Cat Jokes

I used to work at a cat shelter but I had to quit.

They reduced meowers.

Nice surprise bumping into my old French teacher yesterday.
She asked what I was up to these days and I said that I like to go swimming with my friend and there’s a cat on the chair…

This morning I saw my neighbor talking to her cat.

It was obvious the poor woman thought the cat understood her.

When I got home I told my dog… we laughed a lot.

What do you call a man with cat scratches all over his head?

I turned into a cat earlier…

Don’t ask meow!

My in-laws couldn’t cope when their cat unexpectedly had 9 kittens so my wife told me to put them in a sack and throw them in the canal.
I did it but It broke my heart. I quite liked her dad.

My cat is recovering after a massive stroke.

I locked myself out of the house earlier so I shouted through the letterbox to my cat to let me in.
He said: “Me? How?”

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, but the frogs croaks every night.

Does anyone know the number of a vet?
My mate has been checking the room sizes in his new flat and the cat has suffered some head injuries.

My Great Grandad helped build the lion statues in Trafalgar Square…

That really put the cat amongst the pigeons…

I saw a dyslexic Yorkshire man the other day.
He was wearing a cat flap.

My cat always gets excited when I put the movie ‘Flashdance’ on…

What a feline!

What do you call a cat with no legs?
Dog food.

Everyone was entertained when Lionel Ritchie took his performing cat to Sea World.

What a feline, dancing on the sea lion…

My cat was just sick on the carpet,
I don’t think it’s feline well.

A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov’s dogs and Schrodinger’s cat.

The librarian says, “It rings a bell, but I don’t know whether it’s there or not”

I spotted a lion at the zoo the other day.
He looks like a leopard now.

Lost money playing poker with one of the big cats at the zoo.

Think he was a cheetah.

Went for dinner with the zoo animals the other day.
They didn’t all bring their wallets, I ended up paying the lion’s share.

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