Joke of the Day: Thursday’s torrent of testaments ….

Went on an online video call and a picture of a can of spam appeared on my screen.

Think it was a zoom meat tin.

I trained some fish to escape.

A koi, B koi and C koi all got away because everyone chased the D koi.

Was out cycling and someone told me that one of my mud flaps had fallen off.

I said I’d carry on rear guardless.

Disappointed that the bank turned down a mortgage on a building for my Desserts by Drone business.

They said it was just pie in the sky.

Applied for a job extracting coal but they said I didn’t have the right experience.

Never mined.

There isn’t any ‘cool way’ to carry a dog poo bag is there?!

Two sheep walk into a baaaaaaa

My wife just left me because of my obsession with cricket.

It’s really hit me for 6.

If everyone in the UK painted their car pink…

We would be a pink carnation.

The other day my pet pig slipped and broke his leg…

I had to call him a hambulance.

A Dulux paint advert came on the TV last night and I had to switch it off as it was making feel too emulsional…

I bought my wife a balsa wood submarine for the bath.

It didn’t go down very well.

I was once in a band called ‘The Radiators’, we were a warm up act.

Then I joined ‘The Duvets’, we mainly did covers.

After that, I was in an outfit called ‘Cats Eyes’, mostly middle of the road stuff.

Now I’m in a group called ‘Missing Cat’, you may have seen our posters…

If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

One in four frogs is a leap frog.

I’ve been teaching hobbits how to play cricket.

Bilbo’s good at catching, but he can’t really Frodo.

I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper?

She said they were old school and handed me her iPad.

That fly didn’t stand a chance.

A man goes to the doctors.

The doctor says, ‘Go over to the window and stick your tongue out.’

Man says, ‘Why?‘

The doctor says, ‘I don’t like my neighbours’

My wife says I make too many graphs, but I know where to draw the line…

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