Had to chase a cat away from my house the other day in my pyjamas.
No idea how he got into them.
What goes “moo”?
A pig learning a new language.
Out clubbing the other night, and DJ Badger was playing.
Great sett.
Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Some friends are debating the best way to make a bacon toastie.
I’m playing Breville’s advocate.
I saw a fir tree with bacon growing from it the other day
Turned out to be a porkypine.
Because it’s so hot today, I’m going to be keeping cool by drinking lots of orange squash.
You are cordially invited to join me…
They say that being a hostage is hard and mentally draining but…
I reckon I could do it with my hands tied behind my back.
A friend of mine thinks the story of how he got an orthopaedic shoe is hilarious but I think he’s built it up too much.
My neighbours are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
I have a really funny joke about our mandatory meeting at work, but whenever I retell it, no one laughs.
I guess you had to be there.
Why did the slave go to college?
So he could pick up his Master’s degree.
My last girlfriend left me for being unnecessarily mysterious…
Or did she?
Our new IT guy has just moved here from Australia.
He comes from a LAN down under.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with astrology.
I guess I should have seen the signs..
I like the way the Earth rotates.
It makes my day!
My girlfriend is still mad at me because I accidentally put superglue on her pen a few days ago.
She just can’t seem to let it go.
I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on me.
He’s not dead, just very condescending.
My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn’t like it when I use other toothpastes.
Spent six hours linking all of my watches together to make a belt.
It was a complete waist of time.
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