What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhea.
My 4-year-old daughter just said to me:
“Daddy, why do people make up things that their children have said on the internet? Isn’t it just inherently dishonest? It seems as though they require positive reinforcement from people on the internet they’ve never met.”
My dad always told me “Don’t be quick to find faults”…
Good man, terrible geologist.
Have you noticed how many F1 drivers have names linked to Scottish towns?
Stirling Moss.
Lewis Hamilton.
Eddie Irvine.
Ayr Town centre…
What’s a dyslexic wizard’s biggest problem?
They can’t spell.
I just got asked the time by a British Gas repair man.
So I told him it was between 8am and 1pm
Just heard that the government is banning Roman numerals!!
Not on my watch!
What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?
Wet feet.
There are only 10 kinds of people that understand binary – those that do, and those that don’t.
There’s a little Barbie in all of us
Thanks to microplastics
I shouldn’t have hired Dwarves and Hobbits to run my Middle Earth restaurant.
I’m always short staffed.
I told my girlfriend she’d painted her eyebrows too high this morning.
I don’t know if she agreed but she seemed surprised.
My girlfriend told me that she used to be Christian.
“That’s not a problem,” I told her.
“Thanks, I’m much happier being a Christine now,” she replied.
I just texted my girlfriend Ruth and bluntly told her that it’s over between us.
That’s me, Ruthless.
Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)
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