Went to a trendy restaurant and had a pelican curry.
Tasted ok, but the bill was enormous.
A friend of mine used to live in a lake filled with ducks but he moved out when he got fed up with all the bills.
I’ve been sacked as the singer in a D:Ream tribute band as I kept getting the lyrics wrong…
Oh well, I guess things can only improve.
AIBOHPHOBIA – the fear of palindromes
I’ve just seen a guy running down the road with a cape on…
I shouted, “Are you a Superhero?”
He replied “No!! I haven’t paid for my haircut !!…”
I went out drinking with the Beach Boys, it was alright until I asked whose round it was….
I was in the Post Office queue yesterday when Diana Ross tried to push in.
I said, “you can’t hurry love, you’ll just have to wait…”
“Mum, why does everyone at school pick on me?”
“I’ve no idea, Someoneyourownsize.”
My mates music collection is amazing!
Well except for a few CDs by this one awful pop act.
So I’m taking Steps to change it.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We’ll see about that.
I changed my password to “incorrect”.
So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say “Your password is incorrect”.
All men eat, but Fu Manchu.
The doctor said I should improve my diet by eating more whole foods.
Just had a bagel and a donut for lunch…
Bread is a lot like the sun.
It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
I started my own all natural fertilizer company recently.
I guess that makes me an entremanure!
Despite zero experience, I’m opening a BBQ restaurant next to the courthouse.
It’ll be Trial by Fire.
What sound does a witch’s car make?
Broom broom.
All my friends keep saying that my new girlfriend is imaginary…
Joke’s on them, so are they!
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