I never go anywhere without my collection of maps.
I would be lost without them.
I got a new thesaurus recently.
It’s nothing to write house about.
I’m looking for a book on how to fix automatic gearboxes, but the library only has manuals.
Wish I’d never got a tattoo of a bonfire on my wrist.
Loads of places won’t allow me in with fire arms.
If you were born the day when ‘Red Red Wine’ was released, then UB40 now…
My stats professor told me that the larger the sample size, the more trustworthy the data.
I guess the N’s justify the means.
Why do riot police like to get to work early?
To beat the crowd.
I said to my mate “Do you believe in reincarnation?”
He asked, “Come again?”
I said, “Yep, that’s it…”
I was walking past a pet shop. A sign on the shop front said; ‘Pedigree Netherlands cats for sale.’
I didn’t believe they were from the Netherlands so I went into the shop and asked the assistant…
‘How Dutch is that moggie in the window?’
Studying Chemistry at the moment, I just learned that Sulphuric acid should never be left in a metal beaker.
It’s an oxidant waiting to happen.
I have decided that from the start of next week, I am going to dress as a different kind of bread every day.
Roll on Monday!
I went Speed Dating once,
“Have you got any pets?”, one girl asked.
“Yeah, a goldfish”
“Any hobbies?”, she said
“Yes”, he loves swimming..”
What’s a horse’s primary concern when voting?
A stable economy.
My son asked me: “Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?”
“That happens in every country, son,” I replied.
A British guy travels to Australia and when he arrives, the customs guy asks, “Do you have a criminal record?”
The British guy replies, “I didn’t think you needed one to get into Australia anymore.”
Since it started raining, all my girlfriend has done is stare sadly through the window.
If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.
I once owned a goldfish that could breakdance on the carpet.
Only for like 20 seconds though.
My wife has left me.
She says I love football more than I love her.
I’m gutted: We’ve been together ten seasons!
Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)
The Sage Page 
As a dyed in the wool nerd – and in fact my daughters insist I was once a proto-nerd- a nerd before it was a thing – I really appreciated the stats joke it was no mean feat.
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It was no “mean” feat … you are right! It certainly wasn’t average. I see what you did there. I’m a self declared Nerd. Hey Mike, have the best Friday.
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