I gave up my job as a taxi driver.
I kept driving my customers away.
I decided that being a shepherd wasn’t for me.
Every time I try to count my flock, I fall asleep.
I quit my job at the helium factory.
I refused to be spoken to in that tone.
I lost my job as a journalist at a classic rock magazine through musical differences.
I was always giving rave reviews.
A friend’s pessimistic attitude cost him his job as a barman.
With him, the glass was always half empty.
And I got sacked from his job at the Rich Tea factory.
They said I took the biscuit.
I just got sacked from my job at the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.
A friend of mine lost his job as a courier driver.
He just wasn’t delivering the goods.
Why can’t you play cards with a pirate?
Because they are standing on the deck….
How do you stop a bull from charging?
Take away his credit card.
Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.
A vegan said to me, people who sell meat are disgusting.
I replied, people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
Plan ahead – It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
My girlfriend asked, “would you still love me if I was ugly and fat?”
Turns out “yes I do” was not the right answer.
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