My friend was sent to prison last year for excessive burping.
He’s finally been let out with a pardon.
2,000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
Saw my ex-girlfriend at the bank today, not good news!!
I was hoping she’d wash further downriver.
I went for a job interview today.
The interviewer said to me, “What would you say your greatest weakness is?”
I said, “I think I’d have to say my listening skills are my greatest strength.”
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won’t stop to ask directions.
DIET DAY 1
I have removed all the bad food from my home.
It was delicious.
I love watching flowing water on the internet.
In fact, I’m watching a live stream right now.
I recently got a step ladder.
It hurts not being able to see my real ladder anymore.
I dreamed I drowned in an ocean made of orange soda.
When I woke I realised it was just a Fanta sea.
This idiot on the treadmill at the gym, just put a water bottle in the Pringles holder.
My stoner friend used a page of my agenda notebook to roll up his joint.
He is now high on my list of priorities.
I went to the doctors recently. He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”
I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”
He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a well dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire
I sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)
The Sage Page 