I can’t get enough minimalism
I was born to be a pessimist.
My blood type is B Negative.
I met my girlfriend at an arthritis support group…you know when two people just click?
6:30 is definitely the best time on a clock…
Hands down.
The doctor gave me 4 months to live, so I shot him.
The judge gave me 20 years.
I saw a guy in the pub last night carrying 12 pints of lager.
I thought, that guy can really hold his drink.
What do you call Bears with no ears?
B
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet!
My mate hates it when I put his chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers.
It gets his Snickers in a Twix.
How old is All-Bran?
I’m just looking for the rough age.
My son’s pet frog broke his leg yesterday
He was very unhoppy…
Accidentally locked myself in a glass cabinet in a museum.
I ended up making an exhibition of myself…
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off.
I think I’m being stalked.
WANTED: Someone to brush their teeth with me.
Because 9/10 dentists say brushing alone won’t help tooth decay.
What did the electrician’s boss say when he came late to work?
Wire you insulate?
What do you call a detective who just solves cases accidentally?
Sheer Luck Holmes.
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