What goes “booo, booo, booo”?
A cow with a cold.
Why do cows have hooves rather than feet?
Because they lactose.
What goes “oom, oom”?
A cow walking backwards.
How did the farmer find his missing cow?
He tractor down.
Two cows in a field.
One says “Moo”.
The other says, “I was going to say that”.
There were 2 cats who were in a swimming competition.
One was called “une deux trois”.
One was called “One Two Three”.
Which cat won the competition?
One Two Three.
Because Une Deux Trois Quatre Cinq.
To the person who stole my mattress; I won’t rest till I find you…
I was going to post a carpentry pun but I couldn’t find any that woodwork…
I suppose I better get up, get ready, and hit the gym.
Sorry typo, I meant gin.
The wedding invite said: ‘The Sage +1’.
So I turned up an hour late.
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Grandad.
QUICK, STOP THE CREMATION!
I was confused as to why there were so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa.
Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.
They bless the rains down in Africa.
Why can pirates never finish the alphabet?
Because they always get lost at C
I spotted Ronnie O’Sullivan at the garden centre today.
I think he was eyeing up a plant…
I once took a stuffed dog to the Antiques Roadshow.
The chap said, “This is very rare, do you know what it would fetch if it was in good condition?”
I replied “Dunno, sticks I suppose?”
I asked my girlfriend how she avoids click-bait…
Her answer may shock you!
Harry Potter can’t tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate.
They’re both cauldron.
A man walks into a library and asks for a book on different levels of noise.
The librarian says, “Sure, what Volume would you like?”
I have just watched a documentary on marijuana.
I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
My Czech mate is surprisingly bad at chess.
I don’t believe in sceptics.
My girlfriend said: ‘Did you know butterflies only live for one day?’
I said: ‘That’s a myth.’
She said: ‘No, it’s definitely a butterfly.’
Welcome To The Psychiatric Hotline!
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
The Sage Page 
As always a quality brace of microjokes, Sage.
Antique Roadshow dog – predictably hilarious! Many thanks 😂
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