If my name was David and I had a boy, I would have to name him Harley.
That way he could introduce himself, “I’m Harley, David’s son.”
Finding your lost luggage at the airport should be easy.
However, that’s not the case.
BREAKING NEWS!
A Cadburys lorry and a Lego truck have collided on the motorway.
Police say the road is choc a block…
A bike in town keeps running me over…
It’s a vicious cycle.
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So when they dock they can Scandinavian.
BREAKING NEWS!
Big delays on the motorway this morning after a truck carrying grain collided with an Ovaltine lorry.
Police describe it as a malty vehicle accident…
I started crying at the Ryan Air check in desk ..
just been charged more for emotional baggage.
Engineers have successfully made a car that can run on parsley.
They are now attempting to make trains that can run on thyme…
I was on a train and this woman opposite looked at me and said “Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place…”
I asked “Are you single??”
She replied “No, I’m a dentist.”
I once did a tandem parachute jump!
I enjoyed it but the bike was a right mess…
I’m sure this petrol crisis was caused by people talking about it so much it became a self fuel filling prophecy…
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together.
Riveting!
Heathrow Airport police are concerned at the number of passengers smuggling helium filled balloons in their luggage.
Cases continue to rise…
‘I used to play a musical instrument on cruise ships’.
‘Piano ?’
‘No, Cunard’…
I saw a toddler with a tiny Edam strapped to his bike.
Must have been his baby bell.
A lorry has spilled its load of bricks over the road.
Police say queues are building.
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
A realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
Really posh burger van here.
It has four Michelin tyres.
I couldn’t get my phone to work this morning, so I took the bus instead.
Do they have a conductor on electric buses?
I hopped on a bus earlier today.
After a while, the driver told me to sit down like everyone else.
Didn’t like being a bus driver.
I was convinced people were talking behind my back.
A friend of mine got a job as a bus driver because he was so good at telling people where to get off.
Ticket inspectors; you’ve got to hand it to them.
Got stopped by customs with a calculator, an exercise book, and a slide rule.
Apparently, they’re instruments of maths instruction.
Friend of mine lost his job as a courier driver.
He just wasn’t delivering the goods.
I’m starting a flight company exclusively for bald people.
I’ll call it… Receding Airlines.
BREAKING NEWS!
A lorry carrying snooker equipment has shed it’s load on the M1.
Police are reporting cues in both directions.
Where do boats go when they’re sick?
To the dock.
A friend of mine did his pilot’s exam just after a storm, and flew through a rainbow.
He passed with flying colours.
BREAKING NEWS!
A lorry carrying onions has shed its load all over the M1.
Police are advising motorists to find a hard shoulder to cry on.
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