The therapist told me I might have a marriage phobia and asked if I thought I had any symptoms.
I said, “I can’t say I do.”
He said, “Yeah, that’s the main one.”
Throughout our marriage, my wife has always stood by my side.
She had to.
We’ve only got one chair.
Meatloaf got married to an accountant.
She’ll do anything for love but she won’t do VAT…
I married my wife for her looks …
Just not the ones she’s been giving me lately.
Two spiders got married and bought their first home.
I was so happy for the newlywebs.
The highlight of my trip to the zoo was seeing an antelope.
I’d never seen an insect run off to get married before!
A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years.
The dad says, “Never mind son, maybe next year you’ll get a speaking part.”
My wife kept saying I should treat her like a princess.
So I forced her to marry an old guy she’s never met to secure an alliance with the French.
I spelled out “marry me?” in balloons outside the house of a girl I met on the internet.
When I finally met her in person for the first time, I popped the question.
At weddings old people always poke me and say you’ll be next!
It’s so annoying!…
so.. I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.
At his wedding, my buddy called me the worst best man he has ever seen.
I was speechless.
The wedding invite said: ‘The Sage +1’.
So I turned up an hour late.
Why did the melons plan a big wedding?
Because they cantaloupe!
I got invited to Tony the Tigers wedding.
It was a bit of a frosty reception.
And that’s not all ….
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