Feeling offside from fun? Stuck in a penalty kick of boredom? Then slide tackle on over to this website, the ultimate pitch for soccer jokes! We’ve got a full box of hilarious content – knee-slapping puns about keepers and goals, offside jokes that will leave you laughing in the box, and maybe even a few dives into theatrical fouls (of humor, that is). Whether you’re a die-hard supporter singing from the stands or a new fan just learning the beautiful game, we’ve got jokes that will have you celebrating a hat trick of laughter. So, grab your metaphorical cleats (of wit), ditch the red card of seriousness, and prepare to be nutmeg-ed by a wave of hilarity!
Played football last night on a pitch surfaced with rubble and broken bricks.
We won 3-1 on aggregate.
My wife said I’m addicted to football stadiums, and that she’s going to divorce me.
I said, “On what grounds?”
Didn’t do well in my football teamwork exam.
I didn’t pass.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
I like watching football matches when I’m at the hairdressers.
The coverage is the same but the highlights are better.
My dad was renowned for ‘thinking outside the box’.
Great guy… Terrible goalkeeper.
My mate needed a bone marrow transplant.
We found a match in Argentina.
The operation was a success.
Our thanks go out to Diego Marrow Donor.
What did the ref say to the chicken who tripped a defender?
“Fowl!”
What do you call someone who stands inside goalposts and stops the ball rolling away?
Annette.
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team?
Because she kept running away from the ball.
What is a goalkeeper’s favourite snack?
Beans on post.
Why don’t grasshoppers watch football? They prefer cricket.
What is a ghost’s favourite football position?
Ghoulkeeper.
Why did the manager bring pencils and sketchbooks into the dressing room before the game?
He was hoping for a draw.
Who scored the most goals in the Greek Mythology League?
The centaur forward.
What did the manager do when the pitch became flooded?
He sent on his subs.
How did the football pitch end up as triangle?
Somebody took a corner
Why did the footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?
They were the skipper.
And there’s more ….
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