Golf Jokes

Tee off your funny bone! Looking to slice up some laughter on the course (or anywhere!), you’ve come to the right fairway. This is your green haven for the finest golf jokes – puns, one-liners, and groan-worthy dad jokes that are sure to putt a smile on your face. Whether you’re a seasoned pro or a weekend hacker, we’ve got the perfect giggle game to improve your score…well, maybe not your score, but definitely your mood! So grab your clubs (metaphorically speaking), and get ready to drive some laughter into your day.

Bad at golf?

Join the club.

I used to feed gorillas at my local zoo from a distance using a golf club.

I’d drive them bananas.

I’ve just invented a new Golf ball that will go in the hole if it gets within 4 inches.

Note to self: Do NOT put them in back pocket.

Did you know you should always take an extra pair of pants golfing?

Just in case you get a hole in one.

A man fell into a display of 300 golf clubs at a sports shop earlier today…

Doctors have said that he should be okay but he’s not out of the woods yet…

I played in the Pearl and Dean corporate golf day once…

I scored par par par par par par par par par par par…

Three golf clubs walk into a bar.

The putter ordered a beer, the pitching wedge ordered a gin & tonic.

The barman asked the third one if he wanted anything,

He replied “No thanks, I’m the driver”.

I’ve worked out what’s wrong with my golf game.

I’ve been standing too close to the ball… after I hit it.

After the honeymoon, the new wife tells her husband, “I think it’s time for you to stop playing golf. In fact, you might as well sell all of your clubs.”

The husband replies, “You’re starting to sound like my ex-wife.”

His wife says, “I thought you said you’ve never been married before?”

The husband says, “I haven’t.”

Why are all mini golf players depressed?

They have no drive.

For years, my family has always taught me that alcohol and golf don’t go well together.

That’s why I don’t drink and drive.

My girlfriend is so smart, she really surprises me!

I went golfing, and forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend’s phone to call her.

My wife complained about my obsession with golf.

I asked her if it was driving a wedge between us.

Driving a golf buggy isn’t as easy as it looks.

But I’ve finally got it down to a tee.

I’m a scratch golfer.

Every time I hit the ball, I scratch my head and wonder where it went.

How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb?

FORE!

What is the only 4 letter word sport that starts with a ‘T’?

Golf.

Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?

He was perfecting his swing.

Dad, I need help writing a sentence using the word “irony.”

Try this : I licked a golf club and it tasted irony.

Did you hear about the Mexican that got shot at the golf course?

It was a hole in Juan.

I live just down the road from a mini golf course.

You don’t even need to drive.

A guy threw his golf club into the air.

He got a birdie.

I’ve recently started to learn how to play golf but it’s not going too well.

I still have a fairway to go.

What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?

The bogeyman.

Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?

Clubbing.

Where do ghouls and ghosts play their golf?

On a golf corpse.

It takes a lot of balls to golf like I do.

If you think it’s hard to meet people, try picking up the wrong ball on the golf course sometime.

The only problem with golf is that the slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, it means he probably shot an eight.

Golf is the only game where the ball lies poorly and the golfers lie well.

A lion would never play golf… but a Tiger Wood.

I’m so bad at golf that I have to go get my ball retriever re-gripped more often than my clubs.

When golfers make golf jokes, are they just meta-fores?

I didn’t want to believe my husband was robbing golf courses but I couldn’t ignore the red flags any longer.

I only hit two good balls today and that was when I stood on a rake.

Golf was once a rich man’s sport but now it has millions of poor players.

Men at 25 play football.

Men at 40 play tennis.

Men at 60 play golf.

Have you noticed how as you get older your balls get smaller?

And that’s not all ….

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