Cat Jokes

Paws-itively Hilarious: A Collection of Cat Jokes

Welcome to our feline-friendly corner of humor! Whether you’re a devoted cat lover or simply appreciate a good pun, our collection of cat jokes is sure to bring a smile to your face. From clever one-liners to playful puns, these jokes celebrate the quirky and endearing nature of our feline friends. So, curl up with your favorite kitty and enjoy some lighthearted laughs that are as delightful as a cat’s purr.

I used to work at a cat shelter but I had to quit.

They reduced meowers.

Nice surprise bumping into my old French teacher yesterday.

She asked what I was up to these days and I said that I like to go swimming with my friend and there’s a cat on the chair…

This morning I saw my neighbor talking to her cat.

It was obvious the poor woman thought the cat understood her.

When I got home I told my dog… we laughed a lot.

What do you call a man with cat scratches all over his head?

Claude.

I turned into a cat earlier…

Don’t ask meow!

My in-laws couldn’t cope when their cat unexpectedly had 9 kittens so my wife told me to put them in a sack and throw them in the canal.

I did it but It broke my heart. I quite liked her dad.

My cat is recovering after a massive stroke.

I locked myself out of the house earlier so I shouted through the letterbox to my cat to let me in.

He said: “Me? How?”

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, but the frogs croaks every night.

Does anyone know the number of a vet?

My mate has been checking the room sizes in his new flat and the cat has suffered some head injuries.

My Great Grandad helped build the lion statues in Trafalgar Square…

That really put the cat amongst the pigeons…

I saw a dyslexic Yorkshire man the other day.

He was wearing a cat flap.

My cat always gets excited when I put the movie ‘Flashdance’ on…

What a feline!

What do you call a cat with no legs?

Dog food.

Everyone was entertained when Lionel Ritchie took his performing cat to Sea World.

What a feline, dancing on the sea lion…

My cat was just sick on the carpet…

I don’t think it’s feline well.

A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov’s dogs and Schrodinger’s cat.

The librarian says, “It rings a bell, but I don’t know whether it’s there or not”

I spotted a lion at the zoo the other day.

He looks like a leopard now.

Lost money playing poker with one of the big cats at the zoo.

Think he was a cheetah.

Went for dinner with the zoo animals the other day.

They didn’t all bring their wallets, I ended up paying the lion’s share.

I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.

You could say it was a paw-trait.

My cat swallowed a duck today.

You could say he’s a duck-filled fatty puss.

Did you hear about the cat who ate a ball of yarn?

She had mittens.

What do cats eat on hot days?

Mice cream.

What do you call the cat police?

Claw enforcement.

What do cats eat for breakfast?

Mice Krispies.

What do you call a confused cat?

Purr-plexed.

What’s a cat’s favorite TV show?

The evening mews.

What do cats wear to smell good?

Purr-fume.

What’s a cat’s favorite movie?

The Sound of Mew-sic.

What do you call a pile of kittens?

A meow-ntain.

What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show?

A cat-has-trophy.

What’s a cat’s favorite magazine?

Good Mousekeeping.

What do you call a cat who always gets what they want?

Purr-suasive.

What’s a cat’s favorite color?

Purr-ple.

What do cats use to make coffee?

A purr-culator.

What’s a cat’s favorite book?

The Prince and the Paw-Purr.

What’s a cat’s favorite athletic event?

The meow-athon.

My cat got stolen.

I think she was taken by a purr snatcher.

What do you call a cat that was caught by the police?

The purrpatrator.

What types of cats purr the best?

Purrr-sians.

Why do cats go to school?

To become litter-ate.

What’s a cat’s favorite subject in school?

Hiss-tory.

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?

They set a new lap record.

Why are cats scared of trees?

Because of their bark.

Where does a cat go when they lose their tail?

The re-tail store.

What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?

One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.

What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxi cabs.

A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence one evening.

The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred, “I’d die for you!”

The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, “How many times?”

What’s a cat’s favorite song?

Three Blind Mice.

Did you hear about the cat who joined the Red Cross?

She became a first aid kit.

What happened when the cat went to the flea circus?

They stole the whole show.

What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar?

A sour-puss.

What does a cat do when it gets mad?

It has a hissy fit.

I think my cat has eaten a duckling.

I can tell by their down-in-the-mouth look.

What do you get if you cross a hungry cat and a canary?

A cat that isn’t hungry anymore.

What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.

How do cats do their shopping.

They use a cat-alogue.

Why did the cat sell its house?

Because the neighborhood had gone to the dogs.

How many cats can you put in an empty box?

One. After that, the box isn’t empty.

What looks like half a cat?

The other half.

Why did the cat sit on the computer?

To keep an eye on the mouse.

What’s a cat’s favorite kitchen implement?

The whisker.

Schrodinger’s Cat recently went on a crime spree.

He’s wanted dead and alive.

And that’s not all …

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