What did the doctor say to the patient who insisted on sewing up their own wound? “Suture self.” Just received an invoice from the Origami Society… I’m not sure what to make of it? Lost my watch at a party once. Then I saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. IContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Sunday’s swearfree swimlane of sweet sweat”
Tag Archives: Humour
Joke of the Day: Friday’s facile fanfare of fake fairwells ….
My new bed plays Metallica to help sooth me to sleep. Nothing else mattress. I need to get insurance for my 1970’s disco record collection… I’m taking out an Earth, Wind and Fire and Theft policy… My wife is kicking me out because she’s fed up with my South American animal puns… ‘OK,’ I said,Continue reading “Joke of the Day: Friday’s facile fanfare of fake fairwells ….”
Joke of the Day: Thursday’s thoughtless theory of thankless throat-clearing ….
I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. Did you hear about the man who bent down to pick up a sieve and strained himself? People said I’d never get over my obsession with Phil Collins. But take a look atContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Thursday’s thoughtless theory of thankless throat-clearing ….”
Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s wettest waterworks of windstrewn waffle …
There’s a theory that no two people see a colour the exact same way. Does that mean that colour is…a pigment of your imagination? Why are plants so thin? They are light eaters. Imagine the self-control needed to work in a bubble wrap factory… Anger management classes… They’re all the rage They say that timeContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s wettest waterworks of windstrewn waffle …”
Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s taught tourniquet of tattered twine …
I bought a lettuce from a greengrocers owned by The Mamas & the Papas but it’s already gone off. All the leaves are brown… Just changed my Facebook name to ‘No one’ so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say ‘No one likes this’. Pink Panthers to do list:Continue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s taught tourniquet of tattered twine …”
Joke of the Day: Thursday’s thin throng of three thirsty thoughtless therapists …
I can’t get enough minimalism I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative. I met my girlfriend at an arthritis support group…you know when two people just click? 6:30 is definitely the best time on a clock… Hands down. The doctor gave me 4 months to live, so I shotContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Thursday’s thin throng of three thirsty thoughtless therapists …”
Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s taught torniquet of tattered twine …
My friend was sent to prison last year for excessive burping. He’s finally been let out with a pardon. 2,000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds Saw my ex-girlfriend at the bank today, not good news!! I was hoping she’d wash further downriver. I went for a job interview today. The interviewer said to me, “What wouldContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s taught torniquet of tattered twine …”
Joke of the Day: Monday’s make-up magnum of manky mascara ….
Whenever I eat eggs benedict it reminds me of the time I lived in the Netherlands… Those were my Holland days… My wife wants to apply for a job as a steamroller driver. I promised her I won’t stand in her way. I gave myself a prostate exam earlier. That’s the last time I buyContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Monday’s make-up magnum of manky mascara ….”
Joke of the Day: Friday’s feeble fountain of freudian fish food ….
Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a pyramid covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. It’s believed to be the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher. Opened a mars bar once. Discovered martians love gin. I made some jerk chicken today. He didn’t even say thank you. What do you call a chicken in a shell suit? An egg. IContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Friday’s feeble fountain of freudian fish food ….”
Joke of the Day: Friday’s fortuitous fable of frankly fictional figures ….
I want to give up being a postman to become a comedian, but my delivery is awful. Someone I know has got a job writing a new dictionary. I’ve asked him to put a word in for me. I got a new job as a chiropodist and found the first day really difficult. I guessContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Friday’s fortuitous fable of frankly fictional figures ….”
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