Tag Archives: joke of the day

I can’t get enough minimalism I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative. I met my girlfriend at an arthritis support group…you know when two people just click? 6:30 is definitely the best time on a clock… Hands down. The doctor gave me 4 months to live, so I shotContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Thursday’s thin throng of three thirsty thoughtless therapists …”

My friend was sent to prison last year for excessive burping. He’s finally been let out with a pardon. 2,000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds Saw my ex-girlfriend at the bank today, not good news!! I was hoping she’d wash further downriver. I went for a job interview today. The interviewer said to me, “What wouldContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s taught torniquet of tattered twine …”

Whenever I eat eggs benedict it reminds me of the time I lived in the Netherlands… Those were my Holland days… My wife wants to apply for a job as a steamroller driver. I promised her I won’t stand in her way. I gave myself a prostate exam earlier. That’s the last time I buyContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Monday’s make-up magnum of manky mascara ….”

Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a pyramid covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. It’s believed to be the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher. Opened a mars bar once. Discovered martians love gin. I made some jerk chicken today. He didn’t even say thank you. What do you call a chicken in a shell suit? An egg. IContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Friday’s feeble fountain of freudian fish food ….”

I want to give up being a postman to become a comedian, but my delivery is awful. Someone I know has got a job writing a new dictionary. I’ve asked him to put a word in for me. I got a new job as a chiropodist and found the first day really difficult. I guessContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Friday’s fortuitous fable of frankly fictional figures ….”

I gave up my job as a taxi driver. I kept driving my customers away. I decided that being a shepherd wasn’t for me. Every time I try to count my flock, I fall asleep. I quit my job at the helium factory. I refused to be spoken to in that tone. I lost myContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Thursday’s thoughtless thoroughfare of thankless thunderclaps …”

What do the Titanic and Sixth Sense have in common? Icy Dead People. I was feeling lonely, so I bought some shares. It’s nice to have some company. I asked my kids if they liked my grandmother. They said she’s a great grandmother. How can you tell the difference between an Indian and African elephant?Continue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s timeworn turntable of terrible tunes …”

Played football last night on a pitch surfaced with rubble and broken bricks. We won 3-1 on aggregate. A lorry has spilled its load of bricks over the road. Police say queues are building. I got some barbeque-flavoured crisps. They taste of bricks and mesh. How do you hire a horse? Put a brick underContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s tram transit of tasty tarts …”

I was in a shop the other day, and there was an empty tester bottle of perfume with a sign saying “out of odour”. Sting has launched an aromatherapy range. It’s a massage in a bottle. I saw someone holding a pair of shoes to his ears. Apparently, he was listening to sole music. AfterContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Friday’s factory fabrication of fish flavoured fries …”