Here’s some jokes ….

I’m in so much debt, I can’t afford to pay my electric bill.

These are the darkest days of my life.

If the number 666 is considered evil…

Is 25.8069758 the root of all evil?

But I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

I’ve just got a job making plastic Draculas.

There are only two of us on the production line…

So I have to make every second Count.

My wife and I sang “Eye of the Tiger” six times on karaoke night at the pub!

We’re going though a bit of a Rocky patch…

• 

My mate works in a pub and likes to dress up as Mother Theresa.

It’s the best fancy dress costume I’ve ever seen, bar nun.

People always told my dad his pride would be the death of him.

And sure enough he was eaten by his favourite lion last Friday.

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector last night.

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

I built an electric fence around my property yesterday.

My neighbour is dead against it.

I said “Do you want a game of Darts?”, he said “OK

then”, I said “Nearest to bull starts”. He said “Baa”,

I said “Moo”, he said “You’re closest”.

You can never ‘run’ through a campsite.

You can only ‘ran’ as it’s past tents…

Me: “Excuse me, are these ‘genetically modified’ carrots?”

Grocer: “No, why do you ask?”

Carrot: “Yeah, why do you ask?”.