Joke of the Day: Tea and Coffee

I’m about to have a cup of dangerous coffee.

Safe tea first though.

I just read that Rod Stewart has five drinks of tea a day, all of varying sizes.

The first cup is the deepest…

My Dad used to say “Take everything with a pinch of salt”.

Lovely man, made terrible tea though…

Just at the airport with my wife, I said “I wish I’d brought the coffee table with us.”

“Why is that?” she asked…

“The passports are on it…”

What do you call a sad cup of coffee?


My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, “Do you smoke or drink coffee?”.

I told him I drink it.

Patient: “I get a terrible pain in my eye when I drink a cup of coffee.”

Doctor: “Try taking the spoon out.”

Where do birds meet for coffee?


I bumped into Bonnie Tyler in town.

“Shall we go for a coffee ?”

“Yes, sounds good!”

“Ok then, Starbucks ?”


“Costa ?”


I think she was holding out for a Nero…

Connected my coffee machine to the internet and now it’s using up all my bandwidth, getting Java updates.

I just made my hamster a strong coffee.

I don’t want him falling asleep at the wheel.

Someone broke into my office and stole all the coffee cups.

I’ve got to go to the police station later to look at some mugshots…

Stealing someone’s coffee is called mugging.

My wife is leaving me because I keep forgetting to take the old coffee filter out of the machine…

She claims it’s grounds for divorce.

It’s really hard to define ‘virtue signalling’, as I was saying the other day to some of my Muslim friends over a fair-trade coffee in our local feminist bookshop.

I quit my job at the coffee shop.

Couldn’t stand the daily grind.

It’s an astronaut’s first day on the ISS and he’s making himself a coffee.

He says to a colleague: “I can’t find the milk”

And the other astronaut grinning “In space no one can, here use cream”

Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)

Published by The Sage Page


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