Joke of the Day: Puns

I really don’t want to see puns about French eggs on Twitter anymore.

Un oeuf is un oeuf.

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realised that toucan play at that game.

My wife told me she was leaving me because she couldn’t live with me always making stupid Star Wars puns.

I said, “Divorce is strong with this one…”

My wife asked “Do you know any tennis puns?”

I said “No, they’re not really my forte love”.

I think the sun is getting to me, I’m trying to think of a good pun about ice cream toppings but I can’t remember any.

I used to have hundreds and thousands of them…

Orions Belt is a big ‘waist of space’…

Sorry, very average pun, only three stars…

I’ve always been nervous of posting Monopoly puns but today

I thought I’d take a chance…

My friend said I couldn’t make up any puns about Cuba.

I said “You’re Havana laugh mate!”

My wife said I was annoying him with all my puns about trees.

I said; “Ah, that old chestnut…”

My wife said to me “I bet you can’t make a pun about a flower?”

But I rose to the challenge…

Pun enters a room, and kills 10 people.

Pun in, 10 dead.

My wife says she’ll leave me if I keep making marine animal puns…

I said “I don’t do it on porpoise.”

You don’t see many philosopher puns on here…

I suppose it’s a bit of a Nietzsche market…

I think I’ve been making Motown puns for about three years, four tops…

Ladies, some advice, if he doesn’t appreciate fruit puns…

You need to let that mango.

My wife is kicking me out because she’s fed up with my South American animal puns…

‘OK,’ I said, ‘Alpaca my bags.’

If anyone has any decent fish puns, please let minnow…

Does anyone know any good sword fighting puns?

I’m trying to think of any words that have a duel meaning.

A good pun is it’s own reword.

My wife bought a new oven glove in a bright yellow colour.

I kept making puns about it, and now she’s not talking to me.

I probably did take it too far, I mustard mitt…

Not all maths puns are bad.

Just sum

My wife is threatening to leave me because of my constant puns about Africa.

Kenya believe that?

Ghana miss her if she goes…

My wife has begged me to stop making police-related puns…

I said, “O.K…..I’ll give it arrest.

I have to confess, I really enjoy my terrible habit of making puns about ‘The Sound of Music’…

It truly is my ideal vice…

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

I’ve been up all night trying to find a great pun for today…

And then it dawned on me.

My wife told me to stop making camera puns.

I said she should stop focusing on the negatives and develop a sense of humour!

She left me in a flash…

My wife just asked me if I’d finished making puns about small onions.

I said “Yes, that shallot”.

My wife has insisted that I cease making puns about classic Motown hits or she will leave me.

I agreed to stop, in the name of love.

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