Joke of the Day: Monday’s pungent packet of puns

If you say the word ‘gullible’ very, very, VERY slowly.

It sounds like orange.

Was driving down the motorway yesterday in a hearse.

Police pulled me over for undertaking.

I spent ages trying to cross a busy road…

A passer-by said, “There’s a pelican crossing up the road”.

I replied “I hope he’s having better luck than me”

Today I was asked to go out, by 20 women!

I was in the women’s bathroom.

I think my wife sells drugs?

As I was leaving the phone rang.

When I answered it the bloke on the other end said “Has that dope gone yet?”

A policeman with a sniffer dog said, “My dog tells me you’re on drugs!”

“I’m on drugs? You’re the one with the talking dog!”

A dog walker was found dead in the local park, police have found the dog, but as of yet, they have no lead.

The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains gives me hope for our next generation.

I just slipped on the floor of the local library…

I was in the non-friction section.

What’s brown and runs around a field?

A fence.

I have no idea how she died, your honour.

All I know is she was alive when I buried her.

A man walked into the doctors.

The doctor said ” I haven’t seen you in a long time “

The man replied “I know I’ve been ill”

A man walked into the doctors, he said “I’ve hurt my arm in several places.

The doctor said “Well don’t go there anymore”

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly Squats

I told a joke on a Zoom Meeting and no-one laughed.

It turns out I’m not remotely funny.

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