Joke of the Day: Tha Sage’s Saturday swamp of sardonic satire.

My brother got stung by a bee on the forehead.

He’s at the ER now, his face all swollen and bruised; he almost died.

Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

I once went to a really awkward party in an igloo…

When I tried to break the ice it only made things worse.

Marvin Gaye kept a sheep in my vineyard.

He’d herd it through the grapevine….

I used to go out with a woman called Amanda Lin.

Nice girl, a bit highly strung.

Working on a job installing bathrooms and lawn sprinklers at Sinead O’Connor’s mansion…

It’s been seven showers and fifteen sprays…

I’ve started using geese heading south for winter to shave small pieces of cheese.

They are migrating birds.

At an interview..

First question: “Describe yourself in 3 words”

Me: “Not very good with numbers”

“The problem with quotes on Twitter is that you can never tell if they’re genuine”
Socrates 399 BC

Really happy to have sold my old caravan.

Exstatic.

I went to the best ever burger van today.

It was so good, it had 4 Michelin tyres.

Depeche Mode never have a fondue on the tour bus, because they prefer their own personal cheeses.

I just found out I’m colorblind.

It came completely out of the yellow.

My girlfriend told me I was immature and needed to grow up.

Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house anymore…

My parents always tell me their world doesn’t revolve around me.

I guess that means I’m not actually their sun.

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.

He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”

The doctor replied, “I know you can’t, I had to amputate your arms”

Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)