I’ve got a friend who is an electrician and a part-time detective…
We call him Sherlock Ohms.
My neighbour said she would lend me her waterproof canvas sheets for my camping holiday this Bank Holiday weekend.
Ta Pauline.
Someone told me to try horse manure on my rhubarb.
I have to say, I still prefer custard…
New idea: invisible aircraft
I can’t see that taking off…
“Knock knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Agad”
“Agad who?”
“Push pineapple shake the tree”
Some small aquatic mammals have escaped from the Zoo…
Otter chaos…
I’ve been saying “mucho” to my Spanish friend more often lately…
It means a lot to her.
Studies have shown that cows will produce more milk when the farmer talks to them…
It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.
I have a step ladder.
I never knew my real ladder
Pirate: I have moles on me back aaarrrghh.
Doc: It’s ok, they’re benign.
Pirate: Count again, I think there be ten!
My dad brought me up single-handedly.
It’s not easy being the son of a pirate.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, “No, you’re right the steaks are too high.”
Heard there’s a place in France where people always wear clothing a size bigger than they need.
Some say its Toulouse
What do you get if you combine Potassium, Nickel and Iron?
A knife
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