Joke of the Day: Thursday’s trolley of tripe ….

Ham and Eggs – A day’s work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.

I renewed my car insurance over the phone today, and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet.

I said, “Yes, I’ve got a dog.”

She asked, “Would you like to insure him too?”

I said, “No thanks, he can’t drive!”

I went to the doctor. I said to him ‘I’m frightened of lapels.’

He said, ‘You’ve got cholera.

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today.

I can’t remember his name, its P something T something R.

“Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a supermarket”

“How long have you felt like this?”

“Ever since I was Lidl”.

Once formed a band called “The Sewing Machines”..

Didn’t work out..

Couldn’t get a Singer ..

FUN FACT !

If you lose a sock in the tumble dryer, it comes back as a plastic Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers…

How does a farmer find new cows to buy?

He browses through a cattlelog.

My flight back from Gibraltar to Glasgow has just been cancelled.

Now I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place…

I’ve recently switched from eating venison to eating pheasant.

Absolute game changer.

My mate told me that he failed his aboriginal music exam…

I asked him “did you redo it?”

My friend asked me what would stop the stairs from creaking…

Apparently ‘Slimming World’ was not the right answer.

My wife said “Come into the bedroom and I’ll put on that black lace number…”

I said “No thanks, I can’t stand ‘Agadoo’…”

Someone said that it’s impossible to make a pun about vegetables.

I say that’s not nececelery true…

My Dad liked to do the conga.

My Grandad liked to do the conga.

My Great-Grandad also liked to do the conga.

I come from a long line of conga dancers.

Which band had a hit single with “Jive Talkin’”?

A) Gees
B) Gees
C) Gees
D) Gees

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