Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s cascading carnival of curdled custard

My local music festival has an inflatable ATM.

The screen says “Please don’t enter your PIN”.

It turns out that the ATM at the theatre offers a service where I can buy tickets for an Elvis tribute show.

I had to press one for the money, two for the show…

A local bank is opening an ATM built into a tree.

If it’s successful, they might expand to other branches.

I’ve been driving Novak Djokovic safely back to his hotel every night after matches.

I know how to return a Serb…

I used my Donor Card instead of my Credit Card to order some stuff online.

It cost me an arm and a leg…

Is it fair to say that there’d be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?

One of my friends is a really stubborn hardcore raver.

She keeps trying to make me rave with her!

She won’t techno for an answer.

I said to my wife, “I need to call the doctor today.”

She said, “Which doctor?”

I said, “No, the regular kind.”

95% of people are idiots.

I’m glad I’m in the other 15%.

I bought a book on eBay called “How to scam idiots on eBay”

That was 3 months ago, and it’s still not arrived yet!

Nine months isn’t really that long.

It only feels like a maternity.

The first time I had sex it was in my parent’s bedroom.

My girlfriend said, “This is a bit awkward.”

I said, “Just ignore them.”

Guy who owned Odeon cinemas has died.

His funeral is on Monday @ 2:10, 4:20 & 8:40

My Grandfather invented the cold air balloon.

It never really took off…

I told the nurse I was bitten by a wolf.

“Where?” she asked.

“No. Regular.” I replied.

If your dog is running a fever, go to the store and buy some mustard.

It’s the best thing for a hot dog.

If you don’t know what to talk about on a first date, try mentioning Global Warming.

It’s a huge Icebreaker

These events represent a range of historical, cultural, and scientific milestones that occurred on July 4th and have had significant impacts in various fields.

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