Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s tarnished tin of tea-stained triumphs ….

How do you make a bear cross?

Nail two bears together.

My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and hasn’t had a single customer.

All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.

What’s it called when a chameleon can’t change its colors anymore?

A reptile dysfunction.

As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way…

I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.

My mother used to say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

Lovely woman.

Useless surgeon.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, but don’t worry, the glass ceiling lets in so much light.

My girlfriend said she’s leaving me because of my addiction to anti-depressants.

Guess I won’t be needing those any more.

I know a mathematician who can’t afford lunch.

He’s binomial.

Purple is my favorite color!

I like it more than blue and red combined.

COLE’S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage.

To do is to be. (Descartes).

To be is to do. (Voltaire).

Do be do be do. (Frank Sinatra).

I went into the Police station and saw a man with three stripes on his arm and a trifle on his head…

He was the custardy sergeant.

Fun Fact!

Jungle music was actually discovered in the jungle in 1843 by explorer Sir Phillip Drummond-Bass…

Years ago I went on a picnic with Errol Brown from Hot Chocolate.

It started with a quiche…

What’s it called when you steal your bike back from the thief?

Recycling.

A ruthless pirate killed his wife and buried her alongside the treasure.

Now his ex marks the spot.

My friend told me I needed to let my hair down and relax.

But I couldn’t find one, so I did the next best thing and disappointed a rabbit.

I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a giraffe.

I didn’t win a prize but I still left with my head held high.

I fired my personal trainer because he made me lift weights with my belly.

I just couldn’t handle all the ab use.

My wife gets a terrible headache whenever I cook with wheat, barley, or rice.

She suffers from my grains.

I told my son, “Have you heard that they’re shutting down all food resources in schools so that children can’t eat?”

“Canteens?” he asked.

“No, it doesn’t matter what age,” I replied.

I saw a guy with a horseshoe, a four-leaf clover and a rabbit’s foot in a pram.

I thought, “He’s pushing his luck!”

I was walking barefoot on the beach and stepped on a rusty piece from an old video game.

Now I have to get a Tetris shot.

Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)