Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s winding whirlpool of whining wonderment ….

Our delivery driver has just fallen over and dropped a basket full of freshly ironed clothes.

I just sat back and watched it all unfold!

I’m creating an app to find qualified electricians in your area.

It’s called Wattsapp.

My friend had a business selling bonsai trees.

He was so successful he had to move into smaller premises.

As an executioner, I often ask prisoners for their last requests.

My last inmate asked me for a high five, but I just left him hanging.

Why is Billy Joel’s laundry still wet?

“He Didn’t Start The Dryer.”

I love watching programmes about lakes and rivers on the internet.

Anything water related really.

I’m actually watching a live stream right now.

A man goes for a walk in the park.

On his walk, he sees two men sat on a park bench and looking very down.

“What’s wrong?” He asked them.

One of the men looks up at the man and lets out a long sigh: “Take a seat and I’ll tell you.”

Curious, he sits down next to the two men.

“The paint’s wet,” the man says.

I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.

Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.

The police rang me earlier to say they’d recovered my stolen three-piece suite!

Which was nice of them, it was starting to look a bit tatty.

I came out of Asda this morning and there was a woman crying her eyes out.

She’d lost all her holiday money. I felt so sorry for her I gave her £50.

I don’t usually do that kind of thing but I’d just found £2000 in the car park.

To the scumbag that stole 100 cans of Red Bull from my shop!

I don’t know how you can sleep at night.

I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.

It’s all about raisin awareness.

I have a phobia of abbreviations.

Laugh out Loud.

Why is “Dark” spelled with a K, and not a C ?

Because you can’t C in the dark.

Retrospectively, I wish I’d bought my baked beans online…

Heinz’s site is a wonderful thing!

I am so poor I can’t even pay attention.

What do you call an average looking monster?

Mediogre.

I said to the doctor, “I feel constepatid!!”

He said, “I think you mean constipated.”

I said, “No, I just had a vowel movement.”

Mental maths.

It’s the thought that counts.

My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an Xbox game for his Playstation.

Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)