Joke of the Day: Sunday’s sodden salvage of satirical shipwreck

Fed up with the laundry basket.

I’m going to throw the towel in.

Turned down a job emptying laundry baskets at the local monastery as I didn’t want to pick up any dirty habits.

I’ve decided to put all my eggs in one basket so I don’t look daft walking around the supermarket.

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?

Maybe

I had to resign from my job as an ice cream taste tester.

I couldn’t work sundaes…

My Dad always used to tell people “laughter is the best medicine…”

Lovely bloke, terrible pharmacist…

I saw a sign on the train saying “Please give this seat to an elderly person”.

So I unscrewed it and took it round to my granddad’s house…

I received a cricket ball through the post yesterday.

It was a perfect delivery.

Why does your nose grow in the middle of your face?

Because it’s the scenter.

Where do sharks go on holiday?

Finland.

Why don’t ants get sick?

Because they have little anty bodies.

My girlfriend left me today because I’m too insecure…

Oh wait, she’s back.

She just went to make a cup of tea.

How do Mexicans stay warm?

They use chickens for heaters.

Did you hear about the French cheese factory that exploded?

There was de Brie everywhere.

What cheese do you use to lure a bear down a mountain?

Camembert.

I once dated a girl with fiery red hair and a pale white thin body.

We met on match.com

My dyslexic grandfather was a baker in the Army.

He used to go into battle with all buns glazing.

What do you get if you chop a policeman’s head into four pieces?

Police headquarters.

What do kids have four of, but adults only have two of?

Kid Knees!

I politely asked the surgeon if he minded me administering my own anesthetic

He said “Sure, knock yourself out”

Did you know that next week is diarrhea awareness week?

Runs until Friday.

The statement: “You are what you eat” isn’t really true.

For example: If you eat a Vegan, you are not a Vegan.

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