If you have a wombat and a womble, you have everything you need to play wom.
How does Dracula find his way around Transylvania?
He uses Bat Nav.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
There’s a new razor designed for dyslexics.
It’s the best thing since sliced beard.
I was picking up dog poo in the park this morning and thought to myself…
I should really get a dog.
If you can’t hear a pin drop, there’s something wrong with your bowling.
Hearing reports that Sting has been kidnapped.
The Police haven’t got a lead.
I told my mate I was going to open a shop in Saudi Arabia.
“Dubai?” he asked.
“Yes” I replied “and sell.”
I told my Mum that I was going to get a map of Italy tattooed on my chest.
She said, “You’ll have sore Naples, don’t be Sicily.”
Interviewer “Describe yourself in three words”.
Me “lazy”
I’ve just bought 8 venison legs for £30.
Does anyone think that’s two deer?
Everybody is saying stealing is wrong.
Personally, I don’t buy it.
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn’t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn’t her grandmother.
I’ve spent the last 25 years of my life as a professional trophy maker.
It’s a rewarding career.
Yesterday I couldn’t make out if someone was waving at me, or the person behind me.
In other news, I just lost my job as a lifeguard.
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