Joke of the Day: Monday’s miraculous mansion of manky macaroons ….

I know a dog who goes and sits in the corner every time the doorbell rings.

He’s a boxer.

I saw a toddler with a tiny Edam strapped to his bike.

Must have been his baby bell.

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

Just lost a court case to a fabric softener!

I fought Lenor, and Lenor won!

My car broke down so I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine.

He said, “Hello Sir, you are a handsome man and very nicely dressed too”.

I could see the problem…

Bat flattery.

I was showing my friend my new house.

“So this is my house,” I said.

He said, “What’s upstairs?”

I said, “Stairs don’t talk.”

A guy rushed past me at the post office to deliver 25 different letters.

He skipped the Q.

When I told my girlfriend I had been seeing her sister you could hear a pin drop.

Then I saw the grenade in her hand!

My girlfriend is leaving me because I’m going bald.

I’m not bothered, it’s hair loss.

I got my friend an elephant for his room.

He said thanks.

I said don’t mention it.

I just bought a vintage Rolls Royce, but the budget didn’t cover a driver.

So I spent all that money, and I’ve got nothing to chauffeur it.

That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke and you get no reaction.

I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.

I took the rearview mirror out of my car and since then…

I’ve never looked back.

My wife and I watched ‘Barbie’ and ‘Oppenheimer’ back to back, luckily I was the one facing the screen…

What do you call group of fat babies?

Heavy infantry.

Today I saw a midget climbing down a prison wall and I thought to myself…

That’s a little condescending.

I read a book about World War II that was only four pages long.

It was Abridged Too Far.

Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)