“If someone steals your parking space,
don’t get mad —
trim their hedge into something inappropriate.”
Modern society frowns on vengeance. Which is why the Sage recommends horticultural mischief.
If someone steals your parking space, don’t resort to honking, shouting, or writing passive-aggressive notes with incorrect apostrophes. That’s what they expect. Instead, go home, grab your hedge trimmer, and rework their topiary into something anatomically suggestive and emotionally cathartic.
Lavender lends itself nicely to eyebrows. Privet? A playground of possibilities.
Yes, it’s petty. Yes, it may require a ladder and plausible deniability. But you’ll feel better — and that’s what matters in suburban warfare.
The Sage reminds us: revenge is a dish best served with secateurs.
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Neighbourhood revenge. I’m impressed by the flexibility afforded by the tactical use of herbicidal graffiti.
Try this two-step infiltration.
on the grass nature strip between the miscreant’s front fence and the street, write the word “Counts” in herbicide. Give it a couple of weeks and then spread seed with its own lawn fertiliser – just on the letter “O”. Water regularly.
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Neighbourhood revenge. I’m impressed by the flexibility afforded by the tactical use of herbicidal graffiti.
Try this two-step infiltration.
on the grass nature strip between the miscreant’s front fence and the street, write the word “Counts” in herbicide. Give it a couple of weeks and then spread seed with its own lawn fertiliser – just on the letter “O”. Water regularly.
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Haha, brilliant as always Mike. I hope life is good with you. I must pop in for a pint sometime!
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