Had lunch yesterday at an excellent Christian restaurant called “The Lord Giveth”. They also do takeaways. Today I have officially been sober for 100 days. Not like, in a row or anything.. Just in total. My neighbour said she would lend me her waterproof canvas sheets for my camping holiday. Ta Pauline. I made aContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Monday’s meaty meteor of mutating moonshine …”
Category Archives: Humour
Joke of the Day: Sunday’s sodden salvage of satirical shipwreck
Fed up with the laundry basket. I’m going to throw the towel in. Turned down a job emptying laundry baskets at the local monastery as I didn’t want to pick up any dirty habits. I’ve decided to put all my eggs in one basket so I don’t look daft walking around the supermarket. What doContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Sunday’s sodden salvage of satirical shipwreck”
Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s winding whirlpool of whining wonderment ….
Our delivery driver has just fallen over and dropped a basket full of freshly ironed clothes. I just sat back and watched it all unfold! I’m creating an app to find qualified electricians in your area. It’s called Wattsapp. My friend had a business selling bonsai trees. He was so successful he had to moveContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s winding whirlpool of whining wonderment ….”
Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s tarnished tin of tea-stained triumphs ….
How do you make a bear cross? Nail two bears together. My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and hasn’t had a single customer. All that time and nothing to chauffeur it. What’s it called when a chameleon can’t change its colors anymore? A reptile dysfunction. As I get older and I rememberContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s tarnished tin of tea-stained triumphs ….”
Joke of the Day: Monday’s magical moped of malodorous misfires ….
Just got the best score in ‘Caribbean darts’… 100 and Haiti !!! I saw an advert saying; ‘Hairpieces from £5’. I thought ‘That’s a small price toupee’… I went to see the world’s biggest fan yesterday . I was totally blown away. What do you call a man in a slow-cooker? Stu! I get aContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Monday’s magical moped of malodorous misfires ….”
Joke of the Day: Friday’s forlorn fortune of fumbling funnies …
“Does this uniform make me look fat?” Insecurity Guard. I thought my wife was happy to fully repair my jeans. Or at least sew its seams. My wife said if I don’t do page 7 of the Kama sutra she will leave me. It put me in a very difficult position. My Grandad was alwaysContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Friday’s forlorn fortune of fumbling funnies …”
The Sage and the umbrella made from bras
In the woods, where raindrops gently fall,A wise old Sage strides, standing tall.Amidst the downpour’s rhythm and beat,He seeks solace in nature’s retreat. Beneath an umbrella, crafted with care,An ingenious creation, light as air,The Sage finds shelter from the rain’s pour,Using ladies’ white bras, forevermore. Each delicate cup, a protective dome,Shielding him from nature’s wateryContinue reading “The Sage and the umbrella made from bras”
Joke of the Day: Thursday’s tyrannical tidal wave of tasteless trifle
I once got arrested after covering a lawyer’s luggage in oil. He dropped the case. At an airport, my daughter suggested we disguise ourselves as luggage. I said, “Let’s not get carried away”. A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, “Can you spare a few minutes forContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Thursday’s tyrannical tidal wave of tasteless trifle”
Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s wettest waterfall of woeful wonderment …
Had to chase a cat away from my house the other day in my pyjamas. No idea how he got into them. What goes “moo”? A pig learning a new language. Out clubbing the other night, and DJ Badger was playing. Great sett. Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies? Some friends are debatingContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s wettest waterfall of woeful wonderment …”
Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s cascading carnival of curdled custard
My local music festival has an inflatable ATM. The screen says “Please don’t enter your PIN”. It turns out that the ATM at the theatre offers a service where I can buy tickets for an Elvis tribute show. I had to press one for the money, two for the show… A local bank is openingContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s cascading carnival of curdled custard”
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