My local music festival has an inflatable ATM. The screen says “Please don’t enter your PIN”. It turns out that the ATM at the theatre offers a service where I can buy tickets for an Elvis tribute show. I had to press one for the money, two for the show… A local bank is openingContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s cascading carnival of curdled custard”
Tag Archives: Humour
Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s waste-strewn wonderland of wanton wit ….
My wife just accused me of looking like someone who doesn’t know how to shave properly… Bloody cheek! I don’t do jokes about small wooden ladders going over dry stone walls, that’s not my style.. First rule of Thesaurus Club. You don’t talk, converse, discuss, speak, chat, deliberate, confer, gab, gossip, or natter about ThesaurusContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s waste-strewn wonderland of wanton wit ….”
Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s torturous triumph of terrible tittle-tattle …
A crow walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “I hope your friends aren’t coming.” “Last time they were here, there was a murder.” I recently ran an ultra marathon in northern Sweden. I realized that I had gone way off course as soon as I crossed the Finnish line. IContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s torturous triumph of terrible tittle-tattle …”
Joke of the Day: Monday’s balding bag of bawdy balderdash ….
I’ve been appointed Gary Barlow’s personal chiropractor on a lifetime contract! I’ve got his back for good. I came home drunk last night and didn’t want to wake anyone up so I just stuck two French pancakes to my feet and crêped up the stairs… I just back from Crete where I had a veryContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Monday’s balding bag of bawdy balderdash ….”
Joke of the Day: Sunday’s shady shipment of shapely shenanigans
For my next trick, I will eat a musical instrument in a bread bap. Drum roll, please. It was the wife’s birthday yesterday and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogues all over the house. So, I took the hint… I got her a magazine rack. BREAKING NEWS! The family of a man who went missing afterContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Sunday’s shady shipment of shapely shenanigans”
Joke of the Day: Monday’s menagerie of misquotes …
Is it possible to keep tropical ferns in an unheated greenhouse? Asking for a frond. I made a pair of gloves from an old Barrister’s robes… Now I’ve got a law-suit on my hands! My dad’s sister works in a Paris bakery and hates it. She’s a cross aunt… I know an awful lot aboutContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Monday’s menagerie of misquotes …”
Joke of the Day: Monday’s medley of mockeries
Halfway through my Indian meal the waiter came up to me and asked; “Curry OK?” I said, “Maybe, what songs do you have?” When does a joke become a dad joke? When it’s fully groan… My Dad always used to tell people “laughter is the best medicine…” Lovely bloke, terrible pharmacist… My wife said “YouContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Monday’s medley of mockeries”
Joke of the Day: Thursday’s torrent of testaments ….
Went on an online video call and a picture of a can of spam appeared on my screen. Think it was a zoom meat tin. I trained some fish to escape. A koi, B koi and C koi all got away because everyone chased the D koi. Was out cycling and someone told me thatContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Thursday’s torrent of testaments ….”
Joke of the Day: Thursday’s trolley of tripe ….
Ham and Eggs – A day’s work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig. I renewed my car insurance over the phone today, and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet. I said, “Yes, I’ve got a dog.” She asked, “WouldContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Thursday’s trolley of tripe ….”
Joke of the Day: Monday’s magnum of mischief …
To the person who stole my BBQ rotisserie last night… What goes around comes around… Gloria Gaynor invited six people round for dinner but one didn’t turn up. “That’s OK,” she told her guests, “I will serve five…”. At first, my wife hated the revolving chair I bought, but then she sat on it… Eventually,Continue reading “Joke of the Day: Monday’s magnum of mischief …”
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