Tag Archives: joke of the day

What goes “booo, booo, booo”? A cow with a cold. Why do cows have hooves rather than feet? Because they lactose. What goes “oom, oom”? A cow walking backwards. How did the farmer find his missing cow? He tractor down. Two cows in a field. One says “Moo”. The other says, “I was going toContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s weather worn windbreaker with worst wellingtons”

What do you call a guy pouring water into a glass? Phil. Midwives deserve a lot of respect. They really help people out. I ordered some Avocado Toast at a cafe, but imagine my surprise when I was given 602214076000000000000000 pieces of toast. It was then I realized… …I’d accidentally ordered Avogadro’s Toast. They callContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Friday’s fabulous factory of funky funlines”

Should I be worried that my children are in the other room quietly reading through the “S” entries of the dictionary? I think they’re up to something. I’ve been reading a book about the history of paper towels… It’s absolutely absorbing… Thieves who stole three tonnes of tarmac are believed to currently be in hiding.Continue reading “Joke of the Day: Thursday’s thoughtless theory of thankless throat-clearing ….”

Please remember, for every Rich Tea biscuit, there are currently thousands of tea biscuits living in poverty… My wife and I met on a website for dolphin impersonators. We clicked straight away. If you don’t sniff the air and go ‘Ooh – someone’s having a barbecue!’, are you even British?! Doctor: Your DNA is backwards.Continue reading “Joke of the Day: Monday’s moving missive of movie messages ….”

Never discuss infinity with a mathematician. You’ll never hear the end of it… Phil Oakey was the lead singer of 80s pop band The Human League, but no one ever mentions his sister, Carrie, the inventor of singing badly in pubs… Watched a film last night where Patrick Swayze teaches a girl how to typeContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s tortuous tautology of tasteless tidings ….”

What did the doctor say to the patient who insisted on sewing up their own wound? “Suture self.” Just received an invoice from the Origami Society… I’m not sure what to make of it? Lost my watch at a party once. Then I saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. IContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Sunday’s swearfree swimlane of sweet sweat”

My new bed plays Metallica to help sooth me to sleep. Nothing else mattress. I need to get insurance for my 1970’s disco record collection… I’m taking out an Earth, Wind and Fire and Theft policy… My wife is kicking me out because she’s fed up with my South American animal puns… ‘OK,’ I said,Continue reading “Joke of the Day: Friday’s facile fanfare of fake fairwells ….”

There’s a theory that no two people see a colour the exact same way. Does that mean that colour is…a pigment of your imagination? Why are plants so thin? They are light eaters. Imagine the self-control needed to work in a bubble wrap factory… Anger management classes… They’re all the rage They say that timeContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s wettest waterworks of windstrewn waffle …”

I bought a lettuce from a greengrocers owned by The Mamas & the Papas but it’s already gone off. All the leaves are brown… Just changed my Facebook name to ‘No one’ so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say ‘No one likes this’. Pink Panthers to do list:Continue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s taught tourniquet of tattered twine …”