Jokes of the day.

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past.

It was a bit choppy.

I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me, “How many potatoes would you like Andy?”.

I said “Ooh, I’ll just have one please”.

She said “It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite”

“Alright” I said “I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow”

What’s the stupidest animal in the jungle?

The polar bear.

A toothless termite walks into a pub and asks ..
“Is the bar tender here?”

Two mice chewing on a film roll and one says to the other:

“I think the book was better”.

*** NOTICE ***

Can those attending tonight’s Kinky Sex Anonymous meeting please use the rear entrance.

Two blondes are talking

“I had a pregnancy test today” said the first.

Second said “Were the questions hard?”

Have you been a victim of faulty double glazing?

You could be entitled to condensation

I’ve been thinking about selling my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay.

Imagine all the PayPal..

I’ve written a book about sandpaper…

It’s a work of friction…

My Spanish bodybuilder friend told me he’s run out of protein powder…

I thought “no whey Jose’!”

Two dogs are sitting in a bar.

The first says, “Wanna hear a joke?”

The second dog says, “Sure!”

The first dog says, “Knock knock.”

The second says…

“WOOF WOOF WOOF! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!!”

Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?

He conditioned it.