Any guy who plays heavy metal at work…
Is office rocker.
As I looked into her eyes I felt my knees go weak and my stomach turned to butterflies.
That’s when I realized I’d drugged the wrong glass.
My girlfriend bet me I couldn’t do a butterfly impression.
I thought to myself, that’s got to be worth a little flutter!
A Cadburys lorry and a Lego truck have collided on the motorway.
Police say the road is choc a block…
Frank Sinatra was once asked if he ever kept herons as pets…
“Egrets? I’ve had a few…” he replied.
I just received a ‘Save the Date’ card.
I didn’t even know they were an endangered fruit?
Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong…
I don’t judge.
Whatever floats your goat.
What moisturiser do Spanish bullfighters use?
Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak.
What do you say to a man who’s just stole your gate?
Nothing. He might take a fence.
After giving my son two karate lessons, he said he didn’t want any more.
Still, at least I got my car washed and my fence painted.
Have YOU had to walk 500 miles?
Were you advised to walk 500 more?
You could be entitled to compensation.
Call the Pro Claimers NOW.
I overheard two of my friends talking about me the other day…
I said, “you disgust me.”
“Yes, we did.” they replied.
I used to work in a Russian napkin factory…
I was in the serviette union…
Apparently to start a zoo you need at least two pandas, a grizzly and three polars.
It’s the bear minimum.