Halloween Jokes

Why don’t ghosts like parties?

They have nobody to dance with…

A local farmer thought his chicken coop was haunted.

He had to call the eggsocist.

I think the ghost in the chicken coop was a poultrygheist.

A local chap failed to pay the exorcist and ended up getting repossessed.

I threw a ghostly boomerang ten years ago, and then it ended up appearing from nowhere and hitting me.

I knew it would come back to haunt me.

Heard two witches telling jokes.

Broom broom.

Ghosts are rubbish at lying.

You can see right through them.

How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one.

They change them into frogs.

What do you do if zombies are attacking your house?

Surround it with treadmills.

A baby mouse went home on Halloween after seeing a bat and told his mum he’d seen an angel.

I’ve noticed that ghosts in lifts always seem to be happy.

I think it raises the spirits.

I don’t like haunted houses, I’m afraid.

A house near me is haunted by a ghost that only moves horizontally.

It’s a spirit level.

A ghost walks into a bar.

The barman says “who ordered a spirit?”

I’m reading a book about poltergeists.

It’s a real page-turner.

Read a book called “Wooooooooh”.

I suspect it was written by a ghostwriter.

A wizard asked me to proofread one of his scrolls last week.

Actually, it was more of a spell check.

I recently published a book about poltergeists…

It’s doing really well, been flying off the shelves.

“I’ve just got a job as a conductor on a ghost train”

“Brilliant! How’s it going?”

“Oh, it’s tickety boo, thanks.”

I’ve just found out my wife is really a ghost.

To be honest, I had my suspicions from the moment she walked through the door…

The Medusa once asked me to do a comedy gig for her victims…

They were a hard crowd.

I recently bought 51% of a vampire-hunting company…

I’m now the main stakeholder.

What sort of exams do witches do?

Spelling tests.

What exams do vampire teachers set?

Blood tests.

Disappointed to fail my psychic exam.

Didn’t see that coming.

What kind of ghost has the best hearing?

The eeriest.

Me: Doctor, I’ve been bitten by a wolf.

Doc: Where?

Me: No, just a normal one

A large crystal ball for sale. £50, but you will haggle me down to £35.

Got stuck in a queue behind Satan looking for mortgages.

Took ages, for the devil takes many forms.

Terrible night last night.

Dreamt something bit me on the neck.

Got up to check, but the mirror wasn’t working.

Why can’t male fortune tellers have children?

They have crystal balls.

Dracula always read the best-selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.

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