Joke of the Day: Boats

I have a new job transporting shallots on slow moving boats along canals.

I’m an onion bargee…

I told my wife that I’ve always fancied Beyoncé.

She said; “Whatever floats your boat”

I replied “No – that’s buoyancy”

Some Chinese bloke pushed a little boat through my letterbox this morning…

Turned out to be junk mail.

I’ve started a boat building business in my attic.

The sails are going through the roof.

I’m sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice.

My gondolences.

What do you call a boat full of polite football players?

A good sportsman ship.

Where do boats go when they’re sick?

To the dock .

The Norwegian navy has started putting barcodes on their ships.

So they can scan da navy in.

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together.

Riveting!

Why did the admiral decide against buying a new hat?

He was afraid of cap sizing.

I saw a chap managing to juggle twenty rowing implements.

It was oar inspiring.

Big sale on rowing paddles at my local shop.

It’s quite an oar deal.

What keeps a dock floating above water?

Pier pressure.

My rower friend is really annoying.

He’s always sticking his oar in.

A sailor eating alphabet soup found the seven Cs.

A ship load of blue crashed into a ship load of red paint.

The crews were marooned.

Why didn’t the sailors play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck.

Which sailors blow their noses most often?

The Anchor Chiefs.

Why are fast yachts like popular furniture stores?

Both always seem to have a sail on.

“I saw a chap with a big bushy beard earlier.”

“Was it a naval beard?”

“No, it was on his chin like everyone else”.

Saw a pirate standing in a pile of gold on his ship that came part way up his legs.

He learned that his booty was only shin deep.

Just bought a really expensive barge pole.

Thought if push the boat out.

I can’t think of any more boat puns.

Canoe?

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