Joke of the Day: Education

My teacher accused me of plagiarism.

His words, not mine.

I failed my Greek mythology exam last week…

I think my lack of revision was my Achilles elbow.

Nice surprise bumping into my old French teacher yesterday.

She asked what I was up to these days and I said that I like to go swimming with my friend and there’s a cat on the chair…

I was terrible at spelling when I was at school.

Brilliant at jografy though.

My mate failed his aboriginal music exam.

I asked him, “Did you redo it?”

Son: Dad, I had a test at school today.

Dad: Oh yeah, what was it on?

Son: Paper.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

Geology rocks, but Geography is where it’s at!

Oxygen and potassium went on a date…

It went OK

Sex education classes in school should just be listening to a baby crying for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.

I once tried to quickly make a square but I ended up with an octagon…

That’s what happens when you cut corners.

Just found out I’ve failed my online German exam.

Sacre bleu!

My mate’s just passed his NVQ in vegetarianism.

He’s quiche stage one.

Never Trust Someone With Graph Paper…

They’re always plotting something.

Teacher: How much is a gram?

Pupil: Uhmm, depends on what you need

For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.

Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.

My geometry teacher has lost his parrot.

Polygon.

I would get so excited in French lessons that sometimes a little “oui” would come out.

It turns out my school chemistry teacher was right.

Alcohol IS a solution.

My teacher told me I’d never be good at poetry because I’m dyslexic.

But so far I’ve made three jugs and a vase and they’re lovely.

I put a wooden desk and a blackboard in my living room.

To make it look more classy.

Mountains aren’t just funny.

They’re hill areas.

My maths teacher called me average.

How mean!

I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.

A friend of mine has just graduated from ballet school with a 2:2.

If you’re here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.

Why is it that so many Kings are named after fractions?

My teacher always said “violence is never the answer”.

I’m stuck on the last clue on a £1000 prize crossword. 26 across – behaviour involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something.

It’s V _ _ L _ N _ E

Any ideas?

Dropping Latin phrases into conversations just to sound smart is definitely my modus operandi…

Today I learned Albert Einstein really existed.

I thought he was a theoretical physicist.

Why did the slave go to college?

So he could pick up his Master’s degree.

When I was a kid, my parents would always say “Excuse my French” just after a swear word.

I’ll never forget that first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.

The school had a big problem with drugs… especially Class A

I failed my Indian cooking exam because I wrote down ‘butter’ when I meant ‘ghee’.

I should have clarified.

If I got 50 pence for every math exam I failed…

I’d have £7.35 now.

“Mum, why does everyone at school pick on me?”

“I’ve no idea, Someoneyourownsize.”

I’ve decided to become a maths teacher, but I’m only going to teach subtraction.

I just want to make a difference.

My nickname at school was Scarface.

I was really good at knitting.

Robber: “Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!’

Cashier (puzzled) “Did you mean to say “or you’re history?”

Robber: “Don’t change the subject.”

I would like to congratulate my niece on passing her mouth organ music exam.

Well done our Monica.

A friend passed his degree in sound engineering.

He got a 1-2-1-2.

A pirate I know just got his exam results.

High Cs.

Failed my art exam by using the wrong pencil.

It just wasn’t 2B.

What sort of exams do witches do?

Spelling tests.

What exams do vampire teachers set?

Blood tests.

Disappointed to fail my psychic exam.

Didn’t see that coming.

I always give 100%.

Which is why I lost my job as an exam marker.

Didn’t do well in my football teamwork exam.

I didn’t pass.

Bit nervous about my maths exam.

Think my chances of passing it are 40-40.

Question from my exam, “What is plagiarism?”

So I copied my answer from the person beside me.

Little Johnny’s teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.

Little Johnny says, “De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail.”

A history degree is useless.

There’s no future in it.

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