Joke of the Day: Eyes

My wife and I sang “Eye of the Tiger” six times on karaoke night at the pub!

We’re going through a bit of a Rocky patch…

I once saw Roger Moore in the library, he could see that I was struggling to read my book and he came over and offered me his glasses.

I said no thank you Roger, they’re for your eyes only.

I’ve just joined a new band, we’re called ‘Cat’s Eyes’…

We just play middle of the road stuff.

My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night.

She nearly took my eye out.

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised.

Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?

Now you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes.

But that’s Heinz sight for you

I tried looking at the solar eclipse using a colander but I ended up straining my eyes…

Some people have difficulties sleeping…

But I can do it with my eyes closed.

Black Eyed peas can sing us a song but chick peas can only hummus one

What’s got 8 eyes and 8 legs?

8 pirates.

Whilst cooking today I accidentally rubbed some herbs in my eyes.

I’m now parsley sighted.

I’ve made a telescope from old fish finger boxes…

Now I get a birds eye view of everything.

Patient: “I get a terrible pain in my eye when I drink a cup of coffee.”Doctor:

“Try taking the spoon out.”

I regret rubbing baked beans in my eyes, but that’s Heinz sight…

I love eye jokes.

The cornea the better.

As I handed my Dad his 80th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said…

“You know, one would have been enough.”

What do you call an ugly dinosaur?

An eyesaur.

What do you call a banana with eyes?

A binini.

I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on his face was priceless.

I used to go out with a girl who’s left eye was missing.

She was a right looker…

Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)

Published by The Sage Page


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