Last night I was walking down the street when I saw a guy trying to grab an old lady’s handbag, so I ran over to help.
We got it off her eventually.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog.
He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head.
Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: ‘Can I help, sir?’
‘No thanks,’ says the blind bloke. ‘Just looking.’
“Doctor, can you hurry up and help me, I’m shrinking!”
“Well, you’ll just have to be a little patient…”
My therapist says I can get over my fear of buffets…
But first I’ve got to want to help myself.
I said to my Doctor; “Can you help me?
I got hurt in a pillow fight yesterday.”
He said; “You’ve got concushion.”
I just read a list of “100 Things To Do Before You Die”.
I was quite surprised that “Yell for help” wasn’t one of them.
Once I hit my 40s I bought a red sports car and started hanging around maternity wards offering to help deliver babies.
I was having a midwife crisis…
In my spare time, I help blind children.
I mean the verb, not the adjective.
My Great Grandad helped build the lion statues in Trafalgar Square…
That really put the cat amongst the pigeons…
A psychiatrist finds a man lying by the road who has been robbed and beaten senseless.
The psychiatrist says, “My god, whoever did this needs help!”
What’s the most helpful medical problem?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?”
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
The postman dropped a letter on my hall floor today and on the letter it says do not bend.
How do I pick it up?
Found a doctor in Egypt who can help the bones of my spine.
He’s a Cairo Practor.
WANTED: Someone to brush their teeth with me.
Because 9/10 dentists say brushing alone won’t help tooth decay.
Improper Fraction Helpdesk. Now open 24/7
Midwives deserve a lot of respect.
They really help people out.
Today’s jokes are dedicated to Thomas Wikman who kept me coffee while I wrote for you!
Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)