Joke of the Day: Money

Never give a donation to anyone collecting for a marathon.

They’ll take the money and run.

Rabbit hutch salesmen.

They’ll give you a run for your money…

In the betting shop and my friend told me to put all my money on a horse named Landfill..

Turns out it was a rubbish tip.

My farmer friend used his government grant aid to buy baby chickens.

He got the money for nothing, and the chicks for free.

I just bought a vintage Rolls Royce, but the budget didn’t cover a driver.

So I spent all that money, and I’ve got nothing to chauffeur it.

Thank goodness I went to a psychic, she told me someone was going to swindle me out of some money.

Best 100 quid I’ve ever spent.

Just opened an online shop selling second-hand mountaineering equipment.

Money for old rope…

Wife: What do think you’re playing at coming home half drunk??!

Husband: I ran out of money.

I came out of Asda this morning and there was a woman crying her eyes out.

She’d lost all her holiday money. I felt so sorry for her I gave her £50.

I don’t usually do that kind of thing but I’d just found £2000 in the car park.

Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.

Robber: “Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!’

Cashier (puzzled) “Did you mean to say “or you’re history?”

Robber: “Don’t change the subject.”

They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction.

My money’s on Dave.

Money is a bit tight, so I’m not buying any apples this Halloween.

That should save me a bob or two…

I went to a ‘Dire Straits themed cafe’ yesterday, the menu was confusing – they wanted money for muffins but the chips were free…

Lost money playing poker with one of the big cats at the zoo.

Think he was a cheetah.

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