Joke of the Day: Thursday’s wagon of witticisms

Just started a new employment blowing the whistle at the end of football matches…

It’s a full-time job.

What do you call a paper airplane that can’t fly?


Got really emotional this morning at the petrol station, don’t know why, just started filling up.

Robin: The batmobile won’t start.

Batman: Check the battery.

Robin: What’s a tery?

Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

I went into a pub and saw it was darts night.

Did a 180 and walked out.

My friend Tony asked me not to say his name backward.

I said y not?

What does James Bond’s doorbell sound like?

“Dong, Ding Dong”.

Doctor: “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.”

Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?”

Doctor: “Every two hours.”

Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18-year-old girl.”

The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”

Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”

Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”

Guest to the waiter: “Can you bring me what the lady at the next table is having?”

Waiter: “Sorry, sir, but I’m pretty sure she wants to eat it herself.”

Two donkeys are standing at a roadside, one asks the other: So, shall we cross?

The other shakes his head: “No way, look at what happened to the zebra.”

I had a terrible internet connection on my farm till I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable WiFi.

A lumberjack went to a magic forest to cut a tree.

Upon arrival at the tree he started swinging at the tree. “But, I’m a talking tree,” said the tree.

“And you will dialogue,” replied the lumberjack.

What has 8 legs, 8 hands, and 8 eyes?

8 pirates.

These damn millennials…

Walking around like they rent the place.

Genie: You have 3 wishes.

Me: I’ve seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.

Genie: I promise that won’t happen. I’m so sure it won’t, I’ll give you infinite wishes if it does.

Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.

Genie: You son of a …

I bumped into an old acquaintance the other day,

He told me he had taken a job as a postman.

He said it was better than walking the streets.

Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)

Published by The Sage Page


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