Just started a new employment blowing the whistle at the end of football matches…
It’s a full-time job.
What do you call a paper airplane that can’t fly?
Stationery.
Got really emotional this morning at the petrol station, don’t know why, just started filling up.
Robin: The batmobile won’t start.
Batman: Check the battery.
Robin: What’s a tery?
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
I went into a pub and saw it was darts night.
Did a 180 and walked out.
My friend Tony asked me not to say his name backward.
I said y not?
What does James Bond’s doorbell sound like?
“Dong, Ding Dong”.
Doctor: “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.”
Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?”
Doctor: “Every two hours.”
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18-year-old girl.”
The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”
Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”
Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”
Guest to the waiter: “Can you bring me what the lady at the next table is having?”
Waiter: “Sorry, sir, but I’m pretty sure she wants to eat it herself.”
Two donkeys are standing at a roadside, one asks the other: So, shall we cross?
The other shakes his head: “No way, look at what happened to the zebra.”
I had a terrible internet connection on my farm till I moved the modem to the barn.
Now I have stable WiFi.
A lumberjack went to a magic forest to cut a tree.
Upon arrival at the tree he started swinging at the tree. “But, I’m a talking tree,” said the tree.
“And you will dialogue,” replied the lumberjack.
What has 8 legs, 8 hands, and 8 eyes?
8 pirates.
These damn millennials…
Walking around like they rent the place.
Genie: You have 3 wishes.
Me: I’ve seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.
Genie: I promise that won’t happen. I’m so sure it won’t, I’ll give you infinite wishes if it does.
Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.
Genie: You son of a …
I bumped into an old acquaintance the other day,
He told me he had taken a job as a postman.
He said it was better than walking the streets.
Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)
The Sage Page 
I like the stationary joke and the lumberjack one. Your jokes, wherever you get them from, are always so entertaining, Andrew. Hope you are well these days.
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Thank you Ellie. I feel fit. I always enjoy you dropping by.
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