“Does this uniform make me look fat?”
Insecurity Guard.
I thought my wife was happy to fully repair my jeans.
Or at least sew its seams.
My wife said if I don’t do page 7 of the Kama sutra she will leave me.
It put me in a very difficult position.
My Grandad was always going on about the good old days when you could leave your doors open etc.
Lovely man, terrible submarine Captain…
My wife has decided to transform herself into a giant bumblebee.
At first I told myself it wouldn’t make any difference and I would stay.
Then I saw her face…
I hate it when I’m singing to a song on the radio and the artist gets the lyrics wrong!
I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.
That was a trip down memory lane!
So, I hear reincarnation is making a comeback.
About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard – after that, he went downhill very quickly.
Where does the general keep his armies?
Up his sleevies!
I’ve just spent the past hour chasing a daddy long legs around my house…
Then I realised I had a crack in my glasses!
I spotted a tiger at the zoo yesterday…
It looks like a leopard now.
What did the daddy sheep say to the mummy sheep?
I love ewe
What does a houseboat become when it grows up?
A township.
What’s the difference between one yard and two yards?
A fence.
What did the Japanese man say to the Japanese woman?
I dunno.
I don’t speak Japanese.
Been trying to work out why my pen isn’t working all day and it’s just clicked…
The price of owning a faulty jetpack is going through the roof.
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