Advice: “Never lose your keys by welding them to your car.”
Explanation: The Sage prides himself on offering practical solutions to life’s little problems, even if those solutions are wildly impractical. This advice, for example, guarantees that your keys will always be exactly where you left them — attached to your car in a permanent display of forward thinking.
Of course, there are a few trade-offs to consider. You might struggle with things like unlocking doors from the inside, or explaining to your local mechanic why your car now resembles a piece of modern art. But these are minor inconveniences compared to the peace of mind of knowing your keys are safe.
And while some will argue that this advice could be costly, time-consuming, and potentially hazardous, The Sage insists it’s an investment in security. After all, you can’t misplace something you can’t remove — though you might end up having to park in very unusual places.
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