Advice: Never oversleep by replacing your pillow with a cactus.
The Sage has always said that the best alarm clocks don’t beep, buzz, or sing — they stab. With this simple substitution, you’ll never hit snooze again. Instead, you’ll leap out of bed at dawn, wide awake and reconsidering all of your life choices.
Admittedly, this approach comes with minor drawbacks, such as puncture wounds, ruined bedsheets, and a strange reputation at your local garden centre. But The Sage insists that true wisdom is about effectiveness, not comfort — and nothing wakes you faster than a cactus to the ear.
Besides, mornings are overrated. After one night with this system, you’ll either be an early riser or a hospital patient. Either way, you’ll never be late again.
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