“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.”
The Sage
The Sage has never been troubled by accuracy, precision, or basic safety standards. His philosophy is much simpler — and considerably more alarming: “To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.” It’s a strategy that has baffled archers, terrified bystanders, and revolutionised the world of competitive laziness.
Why fret about aim when you can simply redefine success afterwards? According to The Sage, disappointment is just a matter of misplaced expectations. Fire an arrow into the shed? Congratulations — you’ve just invented Shed Archery. Hit a passing wheelbarrow? That’s a moving target, worth extra points. Accidentally take out the neighbour’s gnome? You’ve unlocked the bonus round.
Of course, The Sage insists this method isn’t about chaos — it’s about freedom. Freedom from pressure, freedom from perfection, and freedom from ever admitting you missed. After all, true mastery isn’t about hitting the target… it’s about making the target hit you.
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The Sage Page 