“If the oven breaks, just tape a chicken to the radiator.”
The Sage
The Sage has never been constrained by what society calls “appliances.” When faced with a broken oven, he offers a solution that is both inventive and deeply unhelpful: “If the oven breaks, just tape a chicken to the radiator.”
According to The Sage, heat is heat — and radiators are simply ovens that have lost their confidence. By securely attaching poultry to one, you create what he describes as a “slow, reflective roast,” allowing the chicken plenty of time to think about what it’s done. The Sage insists this method saves energy, money, and several awkward conversations with repair technicians.
He does, however, warn that timing is crucial. Too short, and the chicken remains philosophical but raw. Too long, and it becomes part of the radiator’s permanent history. The Sage recommends checking progress by poking it thoughtfully and declaring, “That seems about right,” regardless of evidence. As with all great cooking, certainty matters more than temperature.
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