Monday Mirth!

If I had a pound for every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food…

I could almost afford a small popcorn.

What’s the friendliest polyatomic ion?


A clown has been sacked for turning up late for his job at the circus.

He is suing for funfair dismissal.

A dentist and a manicurist had a terrible fight.

They fought tooth and nail.

Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his dessert?

Because he was stuffed.

I got really emotional this morning at the petrol station..

I don’t know why..

I just started filling up.

How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?

You will see one in a while and one later.

Yesterday evening I had to change a lightbulb, a bit later on I crossed the road. Then I walked into a bar..

My life is a joke.

Went to the corner shop – bought 4 corners.

My dad always said to me, “Take it with a pinch of salt.”

Nice man.

Made horrible tea.

Whenever I go to funerals, I always say “plethora”.

People tell me it means a lot to them.

That’s the 10th passenger today who’s called me a Terrible Bus Driver.

I don’t know where these people get off.

I always get nostalgic putting my car in reverse.

It really takes me back.

I just got hired at the guillotine factory.

I’ll beheading there soon.

What’s the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?

Black eyed peas can sing us a song and chickpeas can only hummus one.

My neighbour told me he was scared to plant an apple tree.

I told him to grow a pear.

So I named my phone Titanic.

Now whenever I use Bluetooth it says that Titanic is syncing.

Published by The Sage Page


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