I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that’s it’s perfectly normal to poop your pants.
He’s still making fun of me though.
My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD…
I told her to close the door five times on her way out!
I just ate my alarm clock, it was so time consuming.
I was arguing with my girlfriend in Nando’s when my best mate ran off with the garlic bread & coleslaw.
I wish he would stop taking sides.
I don’t do jokes about small wooden ladders going over dry stone walls, that’s not my style
Some Chinese bloke pushed a little boat through my letterbox this morning…
Turned out to be junk mail.
Would you believe it, they’ve cancelled my last anger management session without telling me!
I’ve never been so mildly irritated in my life…
My left shoe says “I don’t smoke or drink”.
My right shoe says “I don’t do drugs”.
They are a pair of sensible shoes…